dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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