you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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