Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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