ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
