3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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