Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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