Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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