He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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