oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
