Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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