when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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