I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
