I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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