I met the friendliest cop last night
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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