dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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