i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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