I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize