True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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