throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
