I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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