Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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