i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
