Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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