She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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