i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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