I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
