Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
