Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
