Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
