Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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