There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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