I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
