Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
