I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
