i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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