It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
