I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
