dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize