And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
