Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize