So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
