You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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