Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
