First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
