Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
