Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
