He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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