we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
