I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
