my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
