please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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