You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
