I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
