Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
