I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
