If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize