quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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