***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
