So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
