You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize