I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
