If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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