Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
