I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
