Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
