chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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