Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
