Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
