haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
