I'm going to jail i love you
false alarm. still invincible.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize