I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
