Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
