the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
