They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
