i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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