its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
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