You smell like stripper and shame
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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