bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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