it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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