I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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