You're so nebulous sometimes
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
