The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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